The ObamaFlowers Spoof: A Parody on the Affordable Care Act

Catherine J. Frompovich

Up front and candidly admitting, this writer did not pen “Obama Flowers.” Whoever wrote it needs to be congratulated for his or her analytical skills and fabulous sense of humor. It’s going around the Internet and probably is on many email users’ fast forward lists, since over 54 percent [1] of Americans now don’t like nor want what’s become known as ObamaCare. 

For those who don’t understand what bugs people about ObamaCare, maybe substituting flowers, which everyone likes, can get the point across. What flowers would you order? Personally, I’d prefer a baby orchid plant and not cut flowers, which will die off within a week or so. I’d like to have live flowers around longer. What happened to choice?

Obama Flowers

Receptionist: Hello, Welcome to ObamaFlowers, My name is Trina. How can I help you?

Customer: Hello. I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.

Receptionist: Yes! I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you.

Customer: Thanks, I ordered a “Spring Bouquet” for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife.

Receptionist: Interrupting, Sir, “Spring Bouquets” do not meet our minimum standards; I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses.

Customer: But I have always ordered “Spring Bouquets”, done it for years, my wife likes them.

Receptionist: Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them.

Customer: Well, how much are they?

Receptionist: It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package.

Customer: What’s the difference?

Receptionist: 6, 12, 18 or 24 Red Roses.

Customer: The Silver package may be okay, how much is it?

Receptionist: It depends sir, what is your monthly income?

Customer: What does that have to do with anything?

Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department.

Customer: FlowerAid?

Receptionist: Yes, Flowers are a right. Everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.

Customer: Who said they were a right?

Receptionist: Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it constitutional.

Customer: Whoa! I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding flowers as a right.

Receptionist: It is not really a “Right in the Constitution,” but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court Ruled it a “Tax”. Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a right.

Customer: I don’t believe this.

Receptionist: It’s the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir?

Customer: Forget it, I think I will forgo the flowers this year.

Receptionist: In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.

Customer: Why?

Receptionist: To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost would be.

Customer: WHAT? You can’t charge me for NOT buying flowers!

Receptionist: It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income.

Customer interrupting: This is ridiculous, I’ll pay the $9.50.

Receptionist: Sir, it is $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.

Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!

Receptionist: Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.

Customer: Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going to pay it.

Receptionist: Sorry to hear that sir. That’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.

Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?

Receptionist: So they get your GPS coordinates sir.

Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door

Receptionist: That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers. Have a nice day and God Bless America

_________

To the author of “Obama Flowers,” thanks for giving another perspective on a government program that seems to be more problematic, costly, and ‘invasive’ to initiate and maintain than it may be worth.

Notes:

[1] http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/nov/27/americans-tell-pollsters-obamacare-fixable-we-dont/

Catherine J Frompovich (website) is a retired natural nutritionist who earned advanced degrees in Nutrition and Holistic Health Sciences, Certification in Orthomolecular Theory and Practice plus Paralegal Studies. Her work has been published in national and airline magazines since the early 1980s. Catherine authored numerous books on health issues along with co-authoring papers and monographs with physicians, nurses, and holistic healthcare professionals. She has been a consumer healthcare researcher 35 years and counting.

Catherine’s latest book, published October 4, 2013, is Vaccination Voodoo, What YOU Don’t Know About Vaccines, available on Amazon.com.

Her 2012 book, A Cancer Answer, Holistic BREAST Cancer Management, A Guide to Effective & Non-Toxic Treatments, is available on Amazon.com and as a Kindle eBook.

Two of Catherine’s more recent books on Amazon.com are Our Chemical Lives And The Hijacking Of Our DNA, A Probe Into What’s Probably Making Us Sick (2009) and Lord, How Can I Make It Through Grieving My Loss, An Inspirational Guide Through the Grieving Process (2008).

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