Job Available With 20 Weeks Vacation Per Year — Interested?

After passing the healthcare reform bill
that Obama is so proud of, Congress celebrated
by granting itself an impromptu vacation.
Because, you know, they decide stuff like that.
When they go on vacation.

Brandon Pierce, Contributor

The average American who is fortunate enough to have a job gets 18 days paid vacation per year. On average, we said. That’s less than three weeks. But like we said, it’s an average. There are plenty of Americans, especially those new in their jobs, who get zero days vacation and plenty of loyal workers who have built up substantial vacation allotments, as many as a month or more. How many of you would be interested in a job with great pay, excellent benefits, and 20 weeks off per year?

Well, if you answered in the affirmative, today’s your lucky day. There are jobs available that fit this description.

You need to get together a team and promote yourself, because the job you are looking for is being a Congressman for the United States of America.
Want to hear something amazing? In 2011, a Congressman actually bragged about Congress being in session for 32 weeks. An incredible workload.

It’s easy to see why this happens. After all, there’s nothing in particular going on in the world that might demand their attention. Fortunately for America’s leaders, world events, the economy, and a plethora of other issues regularly pause. Sometimes for months at a time. It’s just good business. Might as well send Congress home. We’re just wasting our money paying them for nothing during all these dead “world event” times. After all, they do get paid by the hour, right? Let’s keep payroll down by cutting back when we don’t need them around.

Americans who do have jobs usually try to get their work to a good stopping point when they go on vacation to minimize the strain of their absence. Not Congress. They leave important issues for the next session all the time. You see, vacation time is paramount in the world of American leadership, and if it’s not a full-on war, it’s not getting in the way. After all, members of Congress have to have plenty of time off to go try to raise money for their political party. Something that is very important to the livelihood of our nation.

Because there are people in the U.S. that are not aware of what the Democratic and Republican parties are all about. We must raise more money so we can spread the message to them, because there is no Internet, radio, television, or people walking around talking about it to spread it automatically. That money is critical and certainly they need the time “off” to go out and make that money for such a noble and worthy cause.

So, if you are a person who cherishes your time off, maybe you should consider running for office. We are looking for applicants who are not afraid to tell a lie in a pinch, don’t mind walking out when the job is left undone, frequently no-show to work, and don’t mind looking like a general asshole to all of those around them. Oh yeah, and you must be willing to beg and grovel for money.

If you fit these qualifications, please by all means, run for Congress. If not, just stand aside and let these fine, upstanding individuals continue to represent you. They have certainly proven that they deserve it, and their time off.

This article first appeared at Common Sense Conspiracy.

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